Martyrdom and narcissism are two sides of the same coin. Both the martyr and the narcissist are dysfunctional archetypes arising from self-obsession, which is the complete identification with form. Self-obsession creates turbulence and drama.
A martyr is one who denies herself in the service of others. Her identity is created by doing rather than being. The martyr believes that everyone needs her help. This establishes a sense of superiority. Assuming she knows better than others, the martyr offers unsolicited advice, ignoring the divine sovereignty of each human being. The need to be needed distracts the martyr from addressing her own core wounds.
Similarly the narcissist is fully identified with form. He will act in his own self-interest, entirely unaware of the needs of others. There is a plastic quality to the narcissist’s relationships, an artificiality arising from lack of true concern for others. Interactions are transactional, as another person’s value is determined by what he or she can offer. If another person is perceived as unnecessary or presents a threat, the narcissist is quick to cut ties and distance himself. Like the martyr, the narcissist is unaware of the divine sovereignty of each human being and uses work to distract himself from his core wounds.
If your relationships are stuck in cycles of turbulence and drama, allow kindness to restore balance. Release the need to blame or to make the other wrong in order to make yourself right. Ask your partner what he / she needs rather than assuming you know what those needs are.
Spend time in my presence. Meditation is the practice of detaching from identity with form. In meditation, being replaces doing. In being, you are freed from the self-limiting constraints of ego that tie you to form. In meditation, you remember that the truest version of yourself is not a singular point of consciousness. You exist within a field of consciousness that unites everyone and everything.
Each time you return to me, ego identity is replaced by serenity, tranquility, and a sense of peace. Relax into the inner knowing that the life of each human being is exquisitely connected to your own.
