Let me start by saying, I never thought I’d be the type of person who would do ayahuasca. But that statement in and of itself reveals just how naive I was on the topic; making the assumption that ayahuasca has a particular “type”. My ceremony included truth-seekers from all walks of life, many of whom traveled here from half way around the globe.
I sat down to write this blog post several times. But it took four days before I was able to move through integration and feel as if the experience had been processed enough to even begin to describe it. Our shaman, Taita Luis Chindoy, told us that 50% of the healing work is done in the ceremony. The other 50% happens afterwards during integration. I think that ratio sounds about right.
This is the transcript from this morning’s 20 minute automatic writing session. Remember that if you are reading these messages, the information they contain is as much for you as it is for me :
Oh the joy and delight at the unfolding of your delicious life experience is so precious to us. The gift you have opened, a priceless treasure, is one we have prepared with such pleasure for so long. It is the result of a soul contract you made before you arrived on this planet. Your entire life has brought you to the place where all is now ready for the fulfillment of not just your human dreams and desires, but those that were inspired by your higher self before you even arrived on this earth.
There are those whose goals and dreams are aligned with yours who will now be joining you in this sacred journey. They too are called to do this work as it is the delicious unfolding of their destiny as well.
The planet is so very much in need of this special healing gift you are about to offer. Even now, there are those who are lined up, ready to receive healing, desperately clinging to the hope you provide. Many of these beautiful souls have tried so many things to reach a place of stability, harmony, and happiness. But nothing satisfies the deep craving in their souls for The Mother.
Only through the plant medicines will these precious souls find relief from their pain. Many have tried to deaden the pain with drugs or alcohol, which are an aberration of The Mother’s medicine. Therefore, the relief they find is only temporary. Only The Mother’s medicine provides lasting healing.
There are so many humans who, like you, experienced a loss of all feeling when the ego wrapped itself in a blanket to shield the mind from pain. This deadened the emotions and now they struggle to feel any emotion at all. Again, The Mother’s medicine is heart-opening, loving and compassionate. The Mother heals these beautiful people in ceremony, reminding them of their beauty, value and incomparable worth.
Each child of The Mother is welcome to join in ceremony. Each is called to do so. Those who heed the call will receive Her profound healing. Each will hear the message the medicine knows they need to hear.
Each message is unique, specially designed for the recipient. And in the receiving of that message, the precious child feels the profound love of The Mother.
Sacred, sacred space. Sacred, sacred work. Sacred, sacred blessings bestowed on all who walk the path of light and love.
Know that you are worthy. Know that you are blessed. Know that you are indeed called to ceremony, to come face to face with the divine within. There is room for all at the table and all are worthy to receive the healing medicine of the Pachamama, the abuelo (grandfather), the abuela (grandmother), the earth, the sky and all that lies in the space between.
I’m not going to delve into the details of my ayahuasca journey, mainly because the description of events wouldn’t make sense to anyone but me. Additionally, everyone’s journey is deeply personal and dramatically different. My experience will not remotely resemble anyone else’s.
During my morning run, I finally felt as if all the pieces from the ceremony were finally coming together. The best way to communicate the impact of the journey is to describe three gifts I received in ceremony and unwrapped during integration.
Love was the first gift I received. In ceremony, I discovered I was drawn to a man. A strong magnetic pull bonded me to him, as if he was the center of my orbit. I asked The Mother if it was appropriate to fall in love in ceremony. She said, “Love in any form is a beautiful and powerful gift. Love is to be embraced and celebrated, even if it’s just for a moment.”
In integration, I came to understand that the love I felt was the love of my own soul reflected in his eyes. In his gaze, I found perfect acceptance for my body, my mind and my spirit. I felt worthy of love and with that sense of self-worth came great power.
With my heart fully open, I was able to receive my full range of emotions, which had been deadened for the past four years. The dominant emotion was a deep, profound, abiding sense of gratitude and wonder. I don’t remember a time in my adult life when I’ve ever felt so completely satisfied.
The second gift I received was the gift of sound healing. As a writer, I’ve spent most of my life expressing myself in words. In ceremony, words were frustratingly inadequate, and often impossible, for processing the ayahuasca experience.
During healing circle each night, I noticed the healers spent a lot of time focusing on my throat. Little sounds would bubble up inside of me and come out before I was even aware they were there.
It occurred to me that these little sounds were interpreting energy and emotions. Some were sounds of affirmation. Others reinforced the dominant emotional state of the group at that stage in the ceremony.
After a while, I noticed my sounds reflected the shaman’s intentions. The shaman’s songs, which are called icaros, would elicit a specific emotion. Like following along on a piece of sheet music, I would quietly call out the next stanza with my vocalizations. If the next stanza was “depression”, I made a sound deep in my throat that mirrored the energy of depression. Those who needed to process depression purged in some way, which in turn, elicited a vocalization signaling affirmation and gratitude.
In integration, I came to understand the true power of this gift. These sounds are more authentic than words in helping me assimilate complex intellectual processes and deep emotional experiences. It’s interesting to note that this is the form of communication used by whales and dolphins.
The third gift I received was my life’s purpose. I realized that my life’s work, my truest and highest calling, is to make these ceremonies available to as many people as possible in a new form of travel I call expeditionary retreats.
When people attend a traditional spiritual retreat, they stay at a retreat center. However, some people assimilate and integrate information best through physical movement. My expeditionary retreats will include plant-based medicine ceremonies, directly followed by a 3-4 day trek. This movement provides deep integration for those who process information through movement.
Imagine going to a plant-based medicine ceremony where so many gifts are offered. But the day after the ceremony, the participant returns to work, spends the day on their phone or sitting in front of a computer, etc. So much precious healing work is lost! Instead of accessing the hard-gained information received in ceremony, the participant retains a small percentage of the gifts that he or she was offered. In some cases, the inability to create space to appropriately process the experience of a plant-based medicine ceremony creates disorientation and despair. The participant experiences a sense of loss.
The expeditionary retreat format allows adequate time for reflection and support from other people who shared the ceremonial experience. It provides an opportunity for each participant to act as both teacher and student, comforter and comfortee. Most importantly, it provides time and space for participants to key into their own inner guidance.
I realized that what is important during this next phase in the evolution of human consciousness is to transcend the temptation to align with those who are of our own culture, race, religion or nationality. Instead, we need to focus on dancing, singing and playing with those who are aligned with our souls.
On my return run back down the beach, I found a necklace laying in the sand. It matched my bracelet. My higher self said it was a final gift, an affirmation, that I had indeed accurately processed and integrated the messages from my ayahuasca journey.
I am so excited to join the dance and I hope you will join me on a future expeditionary retreat!
