On Friday, February 4, 2022, I will be embarking on my first ever ayahuasca journey. They say the journey begins the day you sign up for the ceremony and I’m sure on many levels, that’s true. But for the purpose of this blog, I’ll be documenting the week leading up to my ceremony.
Today, I’m starting the dieta, a set of strict dietary restrictions pre and post ceremony. Technically, the dieta is supposed to start two weeks pre-ceremony. But hey. I’m in Costa Rica. So one week will have to do.
My ayahuasca ceremony will be held in the world’s largest labyrinth, which is located in the middle of a jungle in Costa Rica.
This won’t my first time in the labyrinth. The third week in February last year, I felt a strong impulse to participate in some kind of ceremony to celebrate the full moon. My 15 year old son, Christopher, and I were spending the month in Tamarindo, Costa Rica. I asked the likely suspects – yoga studios, massage therapists, energy healers, etc. – if they knew of a full moon event, but there was none to be found. After all, in February 2021 the pandemic was still in full swing and tourism traffic in Tamarindo was very low.
In meditation a few days before the full moon, I clearly heard the word “labyrinth”. As soon as my meditation ended, I grabbed my phone and Googled “Tamarindo labyrinth”. To my great surprise, the world’s largest labyrinth is just 20 minutes from Tamarindo! Beyond a shadow of a doubt, I knew this was where I needed to be on the night of the full moon. So I sent the craziest e-mail to the address on the labyrinth’s website.
“I know this is a strange question… is it possible to spend a night in the labyrinth? I would be doing it alone as part of a self-designed full moon ceremony.”
The host replied, “Yes, that’s fine,” as if my request to spend the night alone in a labyrinth in the Costa Rican jungle was the most normal request in the world.
The night of the full moon last February, which is a topic for a future post, was one of the most surreal, otherworldly adventures of my life.
So you can imagine how excited I am to return to the labyrinth, almost one year later, to embark on my first ayahuasca journey!
Our two night retreat includes two ayahuasca ceremonies, each of which will be overseen by Taita Luis Chindoy, a renowned indigenous plant medicine healer from the Inga tribe in southern Colombia. The Inga tribe are descendants of the Incas. Taita Luis spent most of his life studying plant-based medicines under his Grandfather’s tutelage.
Why am I embarking on this adventure? That’s a great question; one I’ve been asking and answering in stages over the past month.
Originally, it had to do with timing. January 31 will be the two year anniversary of the day my husband, John, asked for a divorce. This is a day I now playfully celebrate as my own personal independence day. But as my relationship to the ceremony deepened, a clearer purpose unfolded. I was feeling a pull, a clear calling to level up in my spiritual journey.
Some of my most gratifying experiences over the past two years were events I took as “dares” from the Universe. These experiences look frightening, even dangerous, when taken at face value. But once I accepted the dare, I realized the fear-factor was all smoke and mirrors. Relaxing into those experiences, I felt an unearthly sense of peace; trust in a very real presence sustaining me, protecting me and guiding me. `
Ayahuasca is one of these dares and I decided to share this adventure with my online community because a lot of people have expressed curiosity about plant-based medicines.
During this week leading up to the ceremony, I will be doing 20 minutes of automatic writing, which is a form of meditation. Each day, I’ll transcribe those writings, as well as any insight gained from my morning runs on the beach in Tamarindo.
This is the transcript from this morning’s meditation:
Saturday, January 29, 2022
Surrender. Not just your will, but the entirety of your being. Open and allow the magic to happen. The act of surrender is a supreme act of discipline, an act of choosing to tune into inner guidance on a moment-by-moment basis, an act of actively listening to the higher self – the wisdom of the soul – to lead, teach, guide and direct your actions. Choose now to surrender, knowing it will force you to act bravely and require you to deviate from normal patterns of thought and behavior.
This is necessary to transcend your current state of consciousness, because it is your normal patterns of thought and behavior that are keeping you stuck in your current life experience. If you hope to do something more, to become something more, you must be willing to surrender your current thoughts and beliefs, tossing them into the oceans of consciousness and allowing waves of infinite wisdom to wash your heart and soul clean – preparing it for this next block of thoughts and behaviors, which in turn will need to be surrendered as you evolve through different levels of consciousness.
The act of surrender is a practice. It becomes easier and easier with time, allowing acceleration through these higher levels of consciousness. The act of surrender is a practice in the art of listening to – and truly hearing – the voice of your own soul, gently but firmly calling you to play.
Like children at a playground, this act of surrender is not a sacrifice, but an act of supreme joy. It is a great awakening – an opening of the heart and mind to all the sensual treasures this life has to offer; the delicious sights, sounds, tastes, smells and textures so abundantly available in this life experience.
Your precious range of emotions are also priceless treasures – each one a delicious, decadent treat to be savored. Some of these emotions taste sweet in the mind. Others are experienced as savory, salty, or even bitter. Each emotion is a gift. Even the ones that lack appeal when they are first tasted on the mind’s tongue.
In time, the rich assortment of emotions will provide a matrix from which you will learn to access the master emotion: appreciation. In time, you will master the art of moving to appreciation from any point in the emotional spectrum.
It is easy to see how love and joy lead to appreciation. The true blessing is in the discovery of paths leading directly from anger, despair and loneliness to appreciation.
In many cases, forgiveness is the key that opens the door between some of these less desirable emotions and appreciation – forgiveness of others, yes. But mostly forgiving yourself. From this place of forgiveness, you are finally able to access appreciation, which is the spiritual currency of the Universe; the vehicle by which all universal consciousness expands.
With each act of transcending from your current emotional state of being to appreciation, you are engaging in nothing less than the truest and purest form of expansion – the expansion of all that is.
The act of surrender is the conscious decision to open and allow appreciation into each and every aspect of your life.
After meditation, I headed out on my sunrise run along the beach. As usual, I flopped down in the sand beneath a tree at the farthest end of the beach and watched the birds flying high above me. The sunrise had not yet reached this section of the beach, but I could see the tops of the hills along the ocean tipped in the golden rays of the day’s first light.
A bright yellow parakeet veritably glowed as the rising sun illuminated her feathers. She dipped and swirled aimlessly in the air. Watching her, I was suddenly overcome with such powerful loneliness, tears leaked from the corners of my eyes. These morning runs are normally the happiest, most connected moments of my day. So I knew this was a lesson tying back to my morning meditation.
But how could I move from overwhelming loneliness to appreciation? I felt a gentle tug from the sand supporting my feet, legs, arms, body and head, as if the earth was trying to pull me deeper into a warm embrace.
“Teach me, Earth Mother,” I whispered. “Teach me, Pachamama. How can I move from loneliness to appreciation?”
I became aware of the sound of birds calling to each other in the trees. Dogs barked joyfully as they chased waves, the ocean providing an auditory backdrop, like the background color of a painting. I smelled the rich, briny smell of salt-laden sand. My fingers curled to hold the sand in my hand. And suddenly, all at once, I was aware of the cohesive orchestration that not only surrounded me, it included me. I felt one-ness with everything.
By keying into my senses, I felt appreciation for the connection linking me to all that is. In nothing short of emotional alchemy, loneliness transcended into appreciation. I can’t wait to see what tomorrow’s journey holds!
Escape Bound will be offering expeditionary retreats where participants can experience the indigenous ceremonial use of plant-based medicines, including huachuma and ayahuasca. Use our contact form to be notified as upcoming retreat dates become available.
